Shopping for the Detective
by tsunamicats
Summary: Lucifer wants to get a present for Chloe and takes Dan with him to help


Daniel Espinoza was flicking through the latest issue of Car & Driver, looking at the newest luxury cars. He enjoyed memorizing the HPs, the number of cylinders and all the interesting technical stuff just as other men their baseball trading cards, but right in this instant he was feeling observed by the obnoxious self-proclaimed 'consort' of his ex-wife and pretended just being bored but somewhat busy. The guy had the horrible habit of staring at people for half an eternity without blinking and judging them from head to toe commenting their outfits, hairdos and even nail polish! He often reminded him of the late Joan Rivers. Worse now, as he was coming over to his desk.

"Hello Daniel!"

Oh! No Detective Douche today? So, he must be wanting something. He looked at him, already exasperated by his presence and pushed himself against the backrest of his chair.

"What is it now?"

"Well, I was thinking you are not doing anything productive right now and you could very well assist me with a little errand." As often he sat on the desk shoving the folders in the middle of it, making work impossible. "You see, the Detective's car is in the shop nearly every other week and, as it seems you have some expertise in the matter, I need you to come along and help me purchase a replacement. Last time she didn't fancy my choice, so I assume you might be the right one to assist me in completing this task to her liking."

"Dude! Can't you say her name? It's getting on my nerves!"

"Oh, I can. In fact, I do it hissing, whispering, growling, moaning and screaming, but that is not the point here, is it?" Were his eyes getting darker by the second? "Will you be of any use or not?"

"You want to buy it like right now?"

"Well yes. She needed it two months ago. Are you coming?"

He knew he was going to regret it, but if it was for the sake of his ex and his daughter, he might as well tail along. He stood up and grabbed his jacket, trotting behind the impatient sleek ass Chloe had chosen to be the man in her life.

He actually enjoyed sitting in the classic 1962 Corvette, even if it was on the copilot's seat only, as the British snob would never let him drive. Why the hell the guy had chosen the scenic route down the Pacific Ocean from Pacific Palisades to Long Beach remained his secret, that would take the double amount of time! He was sure it was just to show the ride off. They drove along the coastline, the strong breeze from the ocean messing with his hair while the driver's stayed much better in place. Dan wondered how much product Lucifer was using on a daily basis. At the height of Redondo Beach, they were overtaken by another convertible with three young women on board, a beautiful white Shelby GT of the year. The girls were hailing Lucifer! And they hadn't been the only ones!

"Dude, does every woman in L.A. know you by name?"

"It would appear so, Daniel. At least in that age range." The guy had put up his nasty grin! "By the way, Miss López told me a LAPD joke."

"Don´t wanna hear it."

"No? It's about that you need six cops to screw in a light bulb. One to actually screw it in and five to stamp the old one to pieces."

"Not funny."

"Not? Care for a popsicle then? Ice cream perhaps?" Lucifer stopped at a food truck in front of a red line and jumped out to get two cones.

Dan just breathed in and out, counting to fifty. The guy couldn't care less for rules, just as if they wouldn't apply for him. And Chloe, she just let it happen, even if she would halfheartedly reprimand him... and his daughter took him for a role model!

He hated it. Hated him.

Nonetheless he took the cone.

After a long ride in silence with just some smooth jazz and bossa nova coming out of the speakers, which made Dan feel like being stuck in an elevator for two hours, they arrived at the Convention Center. Parking was not a big deal as Lucifer used the valet service. Stepping out he was immediately surrounded by several hostesses and Daniel Espinoza felt patronized when the girls were asked to accommodate him and take them to the different stands. He was good looking, a hunk some would say, and worked out enough to have girls drooling over him when surfing, but as soon as the British dick in his trademark three-piece suit was standing beside him, he was always second choice. Maybe it was the clothes, maybe the accent. Anyway, he followed the twentysomething blonde inside. After a few feet he turned around: Lucifer Morningstar was escorted, a giggling girl clinging at each arm, although he definitely had said he was looking for a safe and comfortable car with an excellent sound system for his 'consort'. Who in the name of God would use such an antiquated and unemancipated word?!

"Really dude? Do you have to say 'consort'?"

"The Detective loves it. Personally, I find 'wife' condescending." Lucifer simply stated and gave him a tiny smile. "But if you insist I´ll refer to her as Mrs. Morningstar in your presence."

Dan liked that even less but had no idea what to say and kept quiet. They went to look at the American brands first, but Lucifer emphasized they should be very reliable and low maintenance, just as Mrs. Morningstar required, so they continued to look for Japanese and Korean brands. Daniel insisted that the Honda Clarity was a nice hybrid Chloe would appreciate, but Lucifer plainly dismissed it as ugly. The Hyundai Ioniq was more of his liking, but still not convinced Dan turned to a Mini Cooper Countryman. Small and handy. And there was the hybrid Volvo XC series, sensible, efficient and with a certain understatement. There more cars they looked at, the more technical information Daniel Espinoza gave, the more confusing it was getting for Lucifer Morningstar.

"You are not helping Daniel! One would have reckoned that as former husband you would have better insight." He started texting in his peculiar way, emojis and cryptic signs making up for the bulk of the message

"What are you doing, man?"

"I am texting Miss López, obviously. Unfortunately, she is in the field. Should have waited for her!"

"And what does she know about cars, besides how to open them illegally and strip them?"

Lucifer looked at him surprised, no, actually he was appalled.

"You are very much out of line, Miss López is absolutely qualified for the task, thank you very much! I believe you better return to the precinct. I'll arrange an Uber."

"Really man, you are unbelievable!" Daniel gave a wild stare and came hurtling towards Lucifer.

The latter just raised an eyebrow and continued texting. "You will be picked up at the main entrance by a José in a Ford Focus."

Dan wanted to put his fist into the dick's face, but that one had already turned away and left for the BMW stand, where he talked to the staff, touched some vehicles, greeted George Foreman as if they were old friends, grabbed some canapés, drank from a champagne flute, made photos of the rides, mainly of a fire red Beemer, and finally placed himself in front of an i8 Coupé taking some selfies with a bunch of pretty girls and sending them, too, apparently.

Lucifer Morningstar walked around, leaned over the bold, sexy and aggressive looking copper and black sports car, sat in the leather seat, grabbed the steering wheel, touched the console and the stick; practically caressed it. It turned on. "Oh, she likes me!" he said happily.

When he looked back at angry Dan who hadn't yet left for his ride back to his desk, he just sighed in utter disbelief. Chloe had had such a terrible taste in men in the past! Luckily, he got the task to spoil her rotten. He went to the salesperson, a tall, slender, dark-haired woman in her forties wearing a beautiful blue dress, greeted her by kissing her on both cheeks, took her by the hand and placed his order: "My dear Christine, it has been a while, but today I am getting the lovely red M2 for my consort and that mean but green i8 for myself. Can you deliver them by tomorrow?" He smiled broadly and pulled out a Montblanc Meisterstück pen. "We need more joy and desire in our life, don't you think?"


End file.
